Thursday, May 29, 2008

# 37

Week 37 is uneventful regard in tx. (the same old same old, fatigue, brain fog, weakness, spinney feeling and unsteadiness. feeling like crap, itchy skin, dim vision, dry eyes, eyelids drying out and itchy as hell, hip and wrist joints starting to mildly ache, tinnitus, sucking for air whenever I climb the stairs or try to do housework as I have the feeling of a brick setting on my chest all the time). I had sides, but at least I could get a few things done each day. I overdid it on Tuesday trying to clean up hair that my young fella and his friends left all over the house after they decided to “buzz” off all their hair in the bathroom when my husband and I were away for part of a day. Along with the fact that they had a drinking party at the same time the drinks were spilled all over the tables and the kitchen counter was cluttered with dirty dishes. Kitty knocked over a drink and walked it all through the house.

I was livid and the mess it created for me was horrendous. Needless to say, the clippers have now been thrown out and will never return to this house. He did this before a while back and he was asked NEVER to do it again. Therefore, the clippers are now history. I have to keep myself in check over it all because I am furious and exhausted. I had a full day of vacuuming the dryer and the washing area every load of laundry that was done. The hair went everywhere in the house and it’s a losing battle. YUCK!

I would be frothing furious if I weren’t on tx, but I have to toe the line or my NP will have me committed and tied to a hospital bed if I create any conflict in my household. I’ll tell you I could tear nails out of the walls with my teeth I am so pissed and I am VERY sure I would react the same way if I weren’t on tx.

I have decided over the last couple of days that I am ready for my kids to move out and only come back to visit. LOL

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Half-Way There Shot 36

I injected my 36th needle of interferon on Sunday, May 18, 2008. I have reached the half-way point of this “long drawn out life altering” treatment.

It’s daunting from this point to know what is left to be done. It’s going to take a lot of work and I’m determined.

The conflict with the nurse practitioner last week was stressful for me and I spent the days since combating the rash itch. I had it under control and then it went whacky on me again. I expect it was the extra stress resulting from the confrontation and me refusing increasing my anti-d’s along with going full on with major addictive sleeping tabs. I do not need the sleeping tabs every night, yet, and I sure as heck do not need to increase my anti-d’s.

Stopping work has been very beneficial to me and I’m unable to go back for a long while as if everything works out for me I’ll continue to do whatever it takes to remain on this treatment.

I remember discovering my mother was 36 years of age.

My husband always teases me about the trivial stuff I remember and that’s why this brain fog on treatment is so devastating. It hasn’t seemed to hurt my long-term memory at this time so I can imagine that this is what Alzheimer’s symptoms would mimic.

Anyhow, realizing that my Mom was old…lol…that would have been 1962 and I would have been seven years old. It’s odd that I would remember that, but it was the first time that I became conscious that my mother had an age. Over the years I realized that when all my friends would tell me how young my Mom looks I knew it was true. My mom is still a striking looking woman at 81 years of age. Recently, a good friend of mine described my Mom as “pretty”. Imagine, 81 years of age and being described as pretty. Of course, I agree.

My Mom has a love story.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

NP Flips Out-35th shot

The 35th year of my life was a busy one with two small children, working full-time and preparing for a court case where I was subpoenaed as a witness for the crown. I learned a bitter lesson that year and the lesson was that when the thief rat was abandoning the sinking ship he and his lawyer tried to paint everyone in the office who handled finances with the same brush. We were all thieves. He was innocent.

I thankful that it was my accounting practices that protected me. However, being in a small community the rumours and “rumours of rumours” were flying and the accusing fingers were pointing everywhere.

We had our days in court and he was guilty as charged.

I backed up my shot to Monday night this week and even waited until a later time around 9 p.m. to do the injection. I felt OK these days and managed to get to a clinic appointment by Wednesday that went very wrong in a bad way.

I told the NP a little story about a riba rant I had one day last week and the conversation took a very bizarre turn with her insisting that I increase my anti-d’s and take sleeping pills every night. She took a simple little story I relayed and insisted that I was a tyrant at home and my family was suffering and I would never make it through tx and I’ll end up divorced. (This is the condensed version of her words.)

Good Grief!

I outright refused to increase the meds only to have her come back with “I’ll take you off tx!” She insisted that I was refusing to follow her directions and that she would be contacting my regular doctor.

She called this morning an apologized.

Getting through the hoops of fire because of our shitty health care system is hard enough along with the sides of tx, however, this constant feeling that the “I’m taking you off tx” axe is going to fall is too hard.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

34th shot - Backing Up

My 34 year was a year of recovery. I had just gone through two very hard pregnancies in a row and along with that there was a problem at work with funds missing. I sensed there was something very wrong because I was doing the accounting and I couldn’t get those in charge to listen to my facts. The math did not work. However, I did find someone to listen and I asked him to take the books home. The next day he called me into his office and shut the door and said…”We have a problem!” He stayed up the whole night going through my records and came to the same conclusion I had. It set my 34th year off with upset and stress as it resulted in one of the bosses being charged with theft.

I took up walking and lost 18 lbs of baby fat, however, by the spring of that year I came down with a nasty bout of shingles. Here I was a 34 year old woman and I was so rundown I succumbed to shingles. I have had lots of surgeries and pain in my life and even to this day I have to admit that was the worst excruciating pain I ever experienced. I can only wonder how an elderly person handles it when they get it and the nerve pain hangs on forever following the attack. Now there is a medicine you can take to help counteract the severity of the attack, but the biggest problem was getting a doctor to diagnose it. I saw three different doctors over a period of time when it was in the active stage and, finally, one of them took a look at it and diagnosed it as shingles. I just had to tough it out. I think that I could liken it to someone putting a blow torch to your skin and no painkiller would help.

Injection 34 backed up to a Tuesday night. I was feeling so miserable that I was worried that I was probably doing it too quickly, however, I leveled out this week and seem to be getting some better days, therefore, I’ll push on and take my next shot Monday night.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Photos of the Maritimes

Newfoundland, Gros Monde

I expect this was taken during the month of July in Newfoundland (NOT KIDDING)

Prince Edward Island, Cavendish Beach
I had a photo of Anne of Green Gable's house and cannot find it.

Cavendish Beach, Prince Edward Island
Nova Scotia, Cape Breton Highlands

(There would be moose in "them thar" hills.)

Peggy's Cove
Off the coast of Peggy's Cove was the site of the crash of Swiss Air 111 in September 1998.

This photo shows the fury of the Atlantic

New Brunswick

Whale Watching, The Bay of Fundy

Tidal Bore

The Bay of Fundy

Monday, May 5, 2008

Fell Down The Stairs

I took one heist down the stairs this morning on my backside. My bottom looks like a map of the world from outer space. It’s all colours of blue. I slipped as I tried to walk around my husband going downstairs with my morning coffee.

The heating pad is my new best friend. I cannot even show the bruise to anyone!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Shot-33 Backing Up Another Day

My second boy was born in May 1988. I was 33 years old and it was another hard pregnancy because I kept going into premature labour for this boy, too. Unfortunately, for this pregnancy we lost all our local baby docs and the closest specialist was in the city. When I went into premature labour I was sent there for two weeks. They stopped labour many times and then it settled down enough to send me home. I went into labour here in Smallville again and my doc managed to get it stopped several times in the remaining weeks. He dragged me to magic number of weeks and let me go into labour. I was exhausted with two hard pregnancies in a row. However, it was a wonderful day when my younger boy was born. I couldn’t believe it that I only had a 30% chance of conceiving one and now I had two beautiful babies within 14 months of each other.

I believe in miracles. I thought I received my one miracle in my life when my first boy was born and now I had two miracles.

This boy is also 6’ 5” with hazel eyes. He’s the athlete of the family, however, struggles with dyslexia. He struggled through school and now works in advertising. I am so proud of him.

I went out and bought the kitty repellent and sprayed it around the bottoms of the window screens. I am only trying a few key areas right now and as it gets warmer I’ll have to go around and spray them everyday and discipline her if she tries to climb up them. However, she HATES the smell of the stuff and gives a wide walk around it so I am hopeful.

I did my 33rd injection on last Wednesday and this backing up shots to get to Sunday night is kicking the crap out of me. My husband wants me to settle out for a couple of weeks on Wednesday night injections, but I’m determined to get it done and not prolong the agony. I may as well bite the bullet and get the shots to the night that I want them. I noticed I have lost many “good” days by pushing back my shot night.

My next shot is Tuesday night coming up and I know it’s going to kick me back again. I could hardly get around last Saturday when I went shopping in Smallville. I had to go out to the car and sit down as I became so sick and exhausted. I have to push it back so I can have some sort of life as my weekends were a write off.