NP called me at work today. She asked me if I were ready to start treatment. I indicated I was ready … “I guess” (meaning I’m worn out with it all right now (December 4, 2006-August 25, 2007 and I have waited so long to get this show on the road) . She indicated that I didn’t sound too sure of treating. She told me that I sounded like “a glass half empty” sort of person. This is the second time she has said this to me in a conversation. She said it to me when she called me back in July. I resent it.
I told her I wasn’t thinking that way, I was just worn out from waiting around to hear from someone regarding treatment and waiting around for a date to start treatment.
It’s OK if I feel like I’m losing my nerve.
I just have to get that first shot over with and get the show on the road. There is no turning back then.
The anxiety of all the hoops I have to jump through to sign up for the possibility of making myself sicker before I might better. The uncertainty of even clearing the virus after all the agony and putting my life on hold for possibly two years is even more daunting…and she thinks I sound like “a glass half empty” person.
Things are in motion and it doesn’t look like it’s next week or the next. She told me she has to set up with several other people before I can get to needle day.
Pharmacists
Bureaucracy
Formalities
I also discussed my dislike of the anti-d’s and she asked me to make an appointment with my doc. Nope! I think I’ll come off them. I’ll take one every other day and then two weeks from now reduce to every three days.
On Wellbutrin (I have been on it since July 20) I am experiencing constant tinnitus, agitation, minor aggressiveness, minor impulsiveness, irritable, anxieties (other the Hep C horror anxieties) and dry mouth. I can live with the tinnitus and dry mouth if that were the only sides, but the rest of the sides are not acceptable. I don’t feel like myself. It will be like using the scientific method here trying to find an anti-d that works. The anti-d sides will be compounded with tx sides. Yipee!
I resent being on anti'd's and I figure I’ll have to be on them when I treat because I’m not doing so well since diagnosed. The Hep C diagnosis has put me over the edge because it altered everything I knew about my self to be true. My whole world dropped out from underneath me and I have become disillusioned, bitter and angry. It totally changed my outlook and my sense of well-being. At least I am aware of this change in my life vision and I am going to proactively take the steps to get back to where I was prior to diagnoses. I will have to have some sort of chemical help to take on the treatment as I know I am in trouble.
I am going into tx kicking and screaming having to take anti-d’s, but I know that I will probably need them.
2 comments:
Jeez, the power these wanna-be doctors, who end up being NP's and Physician's Asses have! Who the f--- is she to judge you - if she hadn't worn you down half-way already, you wouldn't be 'half empty/half full!!!' Well, if the process is in motion, it will move, maybe not fast enough for you, but it will happen. Be careful coming off the anti-d, and don't be too proud to ask for something else if you find you need it when you start treatment. Tinnitus sucks, I picked that up when I got an ear infection with pneumonia when I was on treatment. I hope stopping your anti-d gets rid of it for you.
Yup, I was pissed when she said it to me the second time. The first time she she said it to me she thought I was negative because my liver biopsy was excellent.
I hardly think so!
I was over the moon with that info. I was shocked that it was excellent because I was having the haunting constant side pain.
However, I am forced to treat because I do not know when I picked up this virus. I ask myself did I just get it and I can purge it with treatment, or , have I had it for years? It moves quicker if you contract it when you are older so I don't want to play the wait and see game to find out that I have more damage in three years time and I am compounded with more negative things like new health issues, aging, no drug plan or copious amounts of sick time at work, etc.
It's a crappy decision I have to make and as you know, it's a hard one to make.
I am going to reduce the anti-d's very carefully by taking one every other day for a couple of weeks then going every three days. I have only been on it a month so I don't think it will be hard to reduce it.
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